We’ve had a lot of rain in the past couple of weeks. I usually like the rain, in fact its my favorite season of the year. it seems though that my mood has decided to change with the weather. Been battling depression for the past couple of weeks, my doctor gave me sleeping pills because I’ve been unable to sleep and nothing I have done seems to be working.
Right now is a tough time for us as a couple, we are trying to decide if moving cities will be best for us.Right now on paper a move checks all the right boxes, but then there is a lot of uncertainty that comes along with it. Also a move automatically moves our TTC forward a couple of months, plus there’s the fact that I just got a new and better job. Abuja has been home for 13 years, leaving is a very scary prospect.
Hubby is very distracted right now, trying to get everything in place, he wants to leave by September and I’m supposed to follow in January. That in itself is a huge cause for concern, since we got married the longest we’ve been apart is two weeks. I don’t know how that will play out. He doesn’t seem to see how badly this is affecting me and I can’t complain because I know how much strain he is under. But it kinda sucks that he can’t see that I’ve been an emotional wreck since he broke the news.
Meanwhile theres the normal family drama, too much for me to bore you with. But right now I just wish everyone would stay away. I’m a little resentful that no one calls us to see how we are doing, but the moment they want something they remember our number. I’m upset with myself that I can’t say no to their demands. Then I feel like a horrible person because you’re not supposed to resent family right? Right now I just want to pull my hair out and scream!
At times like this, its usually so easy for me to pray and I feel better instantly, but even that has been hard. I’ve tried writing but always delete the drafts, drinking, reading and now my sleeping pills and i still don’t feel better. Now I’m going to be thankful for all the things that are going right. Yes there might be rainy days but we need those days so that our plants can grow, so that we can appreciate the sunny days in our lives. I’m grateful for a husband who cares about our future, grateful for family that is there even if they are annoying. Grateful for my life and the hope that tomorrow will be a better day. So heres to rainy days and all the good things the they bring. Like 2face says in his song “I’ll dance in the rain” Download