100 Things I Love

So I started writing a different post and after 5 tries I saved it, hopefully some day soon it will see the light of day 😉

I was inspired to do this by another blogger, I stumbled on her blog and it’s really fresh and fun, you should check it out here http://www.bondibilala.blogspot.co.uk/

I’m doing #100 things I love, will do 10 sets in 10 posts. Now I know I haven’t been great at completing these sorts of things but I promise to see this one through 🙂 (pinky promise) This is going to be so much fun.

Let’s do this!

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Changing the world with a piece of Chalk.

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Teaching is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do ever. Ever since I can remember I’ve loved to teach. All our nannies were my first students. I remember coming home and bringing out my books everything I learned at school they learnt with me.

I grew up and had what I like to call the ‘curse of the talented’ I wanted to do everything just becauseI knew I could. I was on my way to high flying career in with an international organisation and then love happened. All of a sudden my priorities changed, I wanted to raise a family and all my dreams of being a world changing crusader seemed to come to and end. At some point shortly after my marriage I went through an identity crises I couldn’t figure out how to be a wife and still do all the things I dreamed of. My amazing husband said to me why don’t you try to teach.

Now teaching has somehow lost its allure it didn’t seem as glamorous compared to all the other options I had. But I listened and I’m so grateful I did. Every day I walk into class and I see light in my children’s eyes when they see me, or the wonder on their faces when they finally understand something, the honesty in their expressions and the unconditional love and trust they place in me, I feel blessed.

There are days when I feel frustrated because I realise that I truly can’t fix everything. Days that I just feel like grabbing a parent and shaking some sense into them because they’re doing something that’s affecting their child. But those days aren’t many. The realization everyday I make a difference, with a smile, a nod, a pat on the back, a rebuke, a hug. I am shaping little boys and little girls, giving them confidence and helping them discover who they truly are.

I may not be volunteering in a worn torn area, I might not be a policy shaper in government, I may not be a top female executive inspiring women and making loads of money I can donate to charity. But I am doing my bit, to make a difference in this world, one child at a time 🙂

Dance in the Rain

We’ve had a lot of rain in the past couple of weeks. I usually like the rain, in fact its my favorite season of the year. it seems though that my mood has decided to change with the weather. Been battling depression for the past couple of weeks, my doctor gave me sleeping pills because I’ve been unable to sleep and nothing I have done seems to be working.

Right now is a tough time for us as a couple, we are trying to decide if moving cities will be best for us.Right now on paper a move checks all the right boxes, but then there is a lot of uncertainty that comes along with it. Also a move automatically moves our TTC forward a couple of months, plus there’s the  fact that I just got a new and better job. Abuja has been home for 13 years, leaving is a very scary prospect.

Hubby is very distracted right now, trying to get everything in place, he wants to leave by September and I’m supposed to follow in January. That in itself is a huge cause for concern, since we got married the longest we’ve been apart is two weeks. I don’t know how that will play out. He doesn’t seem to see how badly this is affecting me and I can’t complain because I know how much strain he is under. But it kinda sucks that he can’t see that I’ve been an emotional wreck since he broke the news.

Meanwhile theres the normal family drama, too much for me to bore you with. But right now I just wish everyone would stay away. I’m a little resentful that no one calls us to see how we are doing, but the moment they want something they remember our number. I’m upset with myself that I can’t say no to their demands. Then I feel like a horrible person because you’re not supposed to resent family right? Right now I just want to pull my hair out and scream!

At times like this, its usually so easy for me to pray and I feel better instantly, but even that has been hard. I’ve tried writing but always delete the drafts, drinking, reading and now my sleeping pills and i still don’t feel better. Now I’m going to be thankful for all the things that are going right. Yes there might be rainy days but we need those days so that our plants can grow, so that we can appreciate the sunny days in our lives. I’m grateful for a husband who cares about our future, grateful for family that is there even if they are annoying. Grateful for my life and the hope that tomorrow will be a better day. So heres to rainy days and all the good things the they bring. Like 2face says in his song “I’ll dance in the rain” Download

Famous Last Words

Wow it’s April already! Where is the year running to and how did I assume I would have spare time for myself? I thought I would have time to update regularly……here we are. But I’m grateful for  everything. So let me give a quick round up of what has been going on with me 🙂

I’ve almost finished my PGDE I’m stuck writing my thesis, but so far all my results have been fantastic.Teaching is great fun I’m loving my kids and I feel very fulfilled. On the ttc front we’ve found a hospital that works for us and we start a fresh round of tests this month.

The Hubby and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary yay us! We had a quiet dinner and ate lots of cake. We have grown so much it’s amazing. My oldest friend had us over for dinner to meet her boyfriend, it was fun and it reminded us of when we were still dating and all the questions we had and the uncertainties we faced.

I remember the first time H asked me out and I said “I can’t date you, you’re Muslim!” , four years later, here we are and I would take a bullet for him in a heart beat. I look back on the road we’ve travelled how hard it has been making this partnership work, all the prejudice we have faced, the disapproval from both families and misunderstanding from friends. It’s all been worth it, I married the most amazing man, my best friend and the kindest person I know. I would do it all again eating my words every step of the way. 

 

 

 

 

Rambling thoughts

How was fathers day? Spent the day playing nurse as the Hubby was (still is)down with the flu. Sent messages to all the fathers I know except mine. I toyed with the idea of calling him but then I figured he has been absent for so long what’s the point? Hopefully this time next year we’ll have a Fathers day celebration in our home.

Was in the market on Friday and I noticed most of the women had white powder dabbed on their faces and necks. I wondered what was going on and I remembered its a tradition that if someone in the market has a baby all the women put baby powder on their faces in celebration. I took me back to when I used to help out my granny in her stall in the market. The women would gossip about who refused the offered powder and wonder if the person had a grudge with the new mother. I wonder who started the tradition and what it’s supposed to signify?

Been seeing random discussions on twitter lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of young people want to be ‘married’ but none of them are quiet ready to be wives or husbands. All you hear them talk about is their expectations of what they want the other person to do for them. It’s like no one is telling them it’s a give and take relationship, not a “if you don’t fulfil my needs I’m walking out” kind of relationship le sigh! That’s a topic for another post if I ever get my lazy self to actually write it.

Inspired by so many people  I’ve decided to try the Insanity Workout. Hubby is very fired up about it and I’m hoping we can go through the 60 days without quitting. Will try and keep you all updated.

Have a great week people! Kisses

Times of Refreshing

Just finished my retreat for this year, took a couple of days off to just fast and pray and get direction for the year. I feel fantastic.

Last year ended on a low note kinda, with my Asherman’s diagnosis and Hubby’s low sperm count and then I was hit with the news that my sister in law planned to relocate and live with us.

I couldn’t bring myself to write and was very depressed. Felt like I couldn’t talk to hubby so I did the only thing I knew how, I prayed. Been praying and its been amazing right now I feel at peace. Things may not be exactly the way I want them to be but I know I’ll be fine. I found a strength that I had forgotten I owned. God is faithful.

I’m booked for my corrective surgery in a couple of days, and I start school for my graduate diploma next month. The sister in law is still in the honeymoon stage I’m hoping it stays this way.

Things are looking up 🙂
Would love to hear from you guys, how’s 2012 shaping up for you?

The Road to Discovery

I had all these dreams of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to accomplish, I would say to myself that I had ‘the curse’ of the truly gifted. Don’t get me wrong I am gifted but I’m realizing now that all the things I wanted, I wanted for the wrong reasons. I wanted to be famous, to be the girl everyone wanted to be friends with, I wanted to be admired, to be associated with greatness. In all of these things a little very much ignored voice kept telling me that all I was looking for was love.
Now I have found the kind of love that accepts me with my faults and all I’m beginning to see that I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone but myself. Feels like I’m playing catch up to who I really am and that kinda sucks cause I’m 30 already, makes me wonder at all my life choices. I know I still feel a need to be accepted but it’s not as bad as it used to be.
I’m slowly but surely learning to accept me as I am warts and all.
I’m beginning to find joy in the little things to discover the ME I want to be not the ME I think I’m supposed to be