Monday Blues

Today is one of those days that I woke up and dont  feel good, but I can’t figure out what exactly is wrong. Ramadhan was great, this weekend was a whirlwind of activities so maybe I’m just feeling the let down that comes with the withdrawal of all that andrenaline.

I’ve embarked on a sort of spiritual journey, will create a separate page for those posts (if I ever get round to blogging about them that is)I have begun to ask questions about my faith that I never thought to ask. It’s been scary especially the fact that I feel like the outcome an be only two extremes I either stop believing in God entirely or my faith is strengthened to a point where it’s unshakable. So I guess it’s worth a try.

On the baby front, turns out we were pregnant(yay) but then I did miscarry so we have started tests all over again. I’m not bugging about it though. We started looking at adoption as a real option, it something we’ve both always wanted to do but we figured that would be later in our plan. Turns out its amazingly difficult to adopt legally in my country. There are lots of shady people though who are willing to offer you a baby for a price. When we do decide to adopt it will be a struggle.

Here’s a question for you guys, do you think men are naturally polygamous? Had some friends over and it was a hot topic, would love to hear your views. Have a great week

Fingers Crossed.

“Let’s do a pregnancy test.” Me blank stare. But you really can’t argue with your doctor can you? Turns out the doctor knew what she was on about. Yes we were are pregnant because apparently I’ve been having a miscarriage and I had no idea.

I will know by tomorrow if the pregnancy is still ‘viable’. But right now I’m over the moon because I had been told there was no way we could get pregnant without help and here we are 🙂 this feels like ten steps forward.

Whatever the outcome tomorrow, the future looks good and I am truly grateful

Changing the world with a piece of Chalk.

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Teaching is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do ever. Ever since I can remember I’ve loved to teach. All our nannies were my first students. I remember coming home and bringing out my books everything I learned at school they learnt with me.

I grew up and had what I like to call the ‘curse of the talented’ I wanted to do everything just becauseI knew I could. I was on my way to high flying career in with an international organisation and then love happened. All of a sudden my priorities changed, I wanted to raise a family and all my dreams of being a world changing crusader seemed to come to and end. At some point shortly after my marriage I went through an identity crises I couldn’t figure out how to be a wife and still do all the things I dreamed of. My amazing husband said to me why don’t you try to teach.

Now teaching has somehow lost its allure it didn’t seem as glamorous compared to all the other options I had. But I listened and I’m so grateful I did. Every day I walk into class and I see light in my children’s eyes when they see me, or the wonder on their faces when they finally understand something, the honesty in their expressions and the unconditional love and trust they place in me, I feel blessed.

There are days when I feel frustrated because I realise that I truly can’t fix everything. Days that I just feel like grabbing a parent and shaking some sense into them because they’re doing something that’s affecting their child. But those days aren’t many. The realization everyday I make a difference, with a smile, a nod, a pat on the back, a rebuke, a hug. I am shaping little boys and little girls, giving them confidence and helping them discover who they truly are.

I may not be volunteering in a worn torn area, I might not be a policy shaper in government, I may not be a top female executive inspiring women and making loads of money I can donate to charity. But I am doing my bit, to make a difference in this world, one child at a time 🙂

Famous Last Words

Wow it’s April already! Where is the year running to and how did I assume I would have spare time for myself? I thought I would have time to update regularly……here we are. But I’m grateful for  everything. So let me give a quick round up of what has been going on with me 🙂

I’ve almost finished my PGDE I’m stuck writing my thesis, but so far all my results have been fantastic.Teaching is great fun I’m loving my kids and I feel very fulfilled. On the ttc front we’ve found a hospital that works for us and we start a fresh round of tests this month.

The Hubby and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary yay us! We had a quiet dinner and ate lots of cake. We have grown so much it’s amazing. My oldest friend had us over for dinner to meet her boyfriend, it was fun and it reminded us of when we were still dating and all the questions we had and the uncertainties we faced.

I remember the first time H asked me out and I said “I can’t date you, you’re Muslim!” , four years later, here we are and I would take a bullet for him in a heart beat. I look back on the road we’ve travelled how hard it has been making this partnership work, all the prejudice we have faced, the disapproval from both families and misunderstanding from friends. It’s all been worth it, I married the most amazing man, my best friend and the kindest person I know. I would do it all again eating my words every step of the way. 

 

 

 

 

Your Sister or Your Wife?

I hate to be the devils advocate, but I’ve been pushed to the wall and I see no other choice before me. I should give you some background first; I dated my husband for 2 years before we got married and I had minimal contact with his siblings as we lived in different states, when I finally met his family we seemed to get on quite well. His mom is a dream and his brothers are amazing, his sister is another story entirely. She seemed pleasant enough while I was still a ‘girlfriend’ but the moment hubby proposed she turned nasty. Throughout the wedding she was uncooperative and she even refused to attend the civil ceremony.

Imagine my discomfort when she decides to come spend Christmas holidays with us, I figured I could handle 2 weeks without getting into her hair. She never went back, she started her business and has been with us for 4 months and counting. She doesn’t chip in with house work, doesn’t buy any food, and she doesn’t respond when I say hello. My husband has noticed all of this and we’ve had a discussion where he begged me to keep being civil to her for his sake. This is all bearable, I can be a very patient person and I hate confrontations so I’d rather ignore a person than call them out.

Now our home is always full of strain, we act as if we’re walking on egg shells cos neither hubby nor I want to upset the delicate balance of peace we have. However the proverbial straw that broke the camels back came this morning. Hubby was down with the flu and I had been playing nursemaid all weekend, I got my cousin to come help me clean house and she shared the guest room with my Sil, who proceeded to tell her all my perceived faults. She has asked my Mil to come visit and see these faults firsthand. This I can’t deal with, it’s okay if you’re giving me attitude, but that she feels comfortable discussing my private issues with people. My Mil has been a little cold towards me, but I assumed she was just busy, now I feel like she’s already been turned against me. She talked about our spending habits, the way we eat and even our sex life! I don’t want that kind of scrutiny from someone who doesn’t have my best interest at heart. Our marriage isn’t perfect but we deserve the right to make our mistakes without anyone looking over our shoulder.

I’ve decided to give hubby an ultimatum, it’s his sister or me.

Great News!

So I got some fantastic news, from my last post I’m sure you could tell that I was battling depression and I had just about had it with all the reports of ‘doom’ from the doctors about us not being able to conceive.  I had a hysteroscopy done on the 6th of March and was asked to come in for a follow up on the 13th.  So I get to the hospital and my regular gynaecologist  had gone on leave so I saw  a different one.  She gave me an all clear, saying that the adhesions aware not as bad as they looked  in the HSG ! Bottom line is we can start trying right away 🙂

Now that we’ve been given the all clear I have decided not to think about TTC anymore, children will come when they will. We’ve done all we can to fix whatever was wrong so all we can do now is relax and let God be God.

 

New Word

Had a fantastic Eid celebration my first as a ‘wife’, hubby had loads of fun playing host and the house was filled with friends and family all day long. It was a little exhausting feeding all those people but at the end of the day it was so worth it.

Last weekend we had to learn a new word in our house, it has changed us and our relationship. New word: Oligospermia 
Low sperm count means that the fluid (semen) you ejaculate during an orgasm contains fewer sperm than normal. Low sperm count is also called oligospermia (ol-ih-go-SPUR-me-uh). We got hubby’s test results and we were bowled over by what we saw. We couldn’t talk bout it right away, I guess we both had to deal with the news separately, then we got talking apparently hubby had been waiting for me to raise the subject and vice versa. We first reassured each other that we were in this together and then we discussed our fears. Hubby feels like it’s better we didn’t know about it cause it changes things and I feel like now we know we can try to fix it. My results haven’t come through yet so we decided to hold out on making any decisions till we know all the facts and get a second opinion.

I’ve been surprisingly calm about accepting the news. I love my hubby to bits and my one fear is that this doesn’t erode his confidence. I cried a bit and haven’t been able to pray till this morning but besides that there’s a calm confidence that we’ll be fine and we will have kids. All the research I’ve done on the Internet says we have a slim chance I’m willing to bet on that. We see our doctor on Monday and I’m hoping for some encouraging news 🙂