Had a fantastic Eid celebration my first as a ‘wife’, hubby had loads of fun playing host and the house was filled with friends and family all day long. It was a little exhausting feeding all those people but at the end of the day it was so worth it.
Last weekend we had to learn a new word in our house, it has changed us and our relationship. New word: Oligospermia
Low sperm count means that the fluid (semen) you ejaculate during an orgasm contains fewer sperm than normal. Low sperm count is also called oligospermia (ol-ih-go-SPUR-me-uh). We got hubby’s test results and we were bowled over by what we saw. We couldn’t talk bout it right away, I guess we both had to deal with the news separately, then we got talking apparently hubby had been waiting for me to raise the subject and vice versa. We first reassured each other that we were in this together and then we discussed our fears. Hubby feels like it’s better we didn’t know about it cause it changes things and I feel like now we know we can try to fix it. My results haven’t come through yet so we decided to hold out on making any decisions till we know all the facts and get a second opinion.
I’ve been surprisingly calm about accepting the news. I love my hubby to bits and my one fear is that this doesn’t erode his confidence. I cried a bit and haven’t been able to pray till this morning but besides that there’s a calm confidence that we’ll be fine and we will have kids. All the research I’ve done on the Internet says we have a slim chance I’m willing to bet on that. We see our doctor on Monday and I’m hoping for some encouraging news 🙂
It all started with Sallah. This morning I asked hubby if he wanted me to do anything special for Sallah besides cooking the regular rice and fried meat, at first he was like nothing then he proceeded to add 4 extra dishes to the original menu I gave him. While we were talking I casually mentioned that I already had my Christmas lunch menu sorted and that’s how the topic changed.
Christmas is my favorite holiday and I’ve always dreamed of how my family would celebrate Christmas and how it would be fun creating my own family traditions. My earliest memories have been of my dad in his white shorts making ukodo (yam peppersoup) Christmas morning, then going to church in the new ‘Cinderella’dress and the shiny black patent leather shoes that was bought specially for christmas. As I grew older christmas became synonymous with work. Coming from a lagre family when everyone gets together you’re looking at cooking for about 50 people give or take. All the girls were recruited in the cooking force, so far you were old enough to be sent on an errand you were useful even if it’s only to pass maggi or salt. And we would make loads of food, like there was an unwritten rule that you must cook every kind of food, three different types of rice, stew, moi moi, plantain, coleslaw, salad, all kinds of meat and fish not forgetting the ‘christmas’ chicken. Generally the kind of feast that would put those medevial feasts to shame.all this merry making of course will be swiftly followed by a dish washing spree and if you were unlucky to be among the youngest (which I was) you were saddled with the responsibility. To this day I hate doing the dishes.
Anyways I digress. So I want a Christmas tree with presents underneath and hubby thinks it’s unrealistic, un Nigerian and based in pagan culture! We went back and forth for a while but then I decided to let it go. I figured that in our marriage and with our different faiths a Christmas tree is a small thing to give up, because there will be other important issues that I’d want to score points. He wants the kids to be raised as Muslims so I’m guessing he doesn’t want us starting traditions that would confuse them. He said we can have a tree but no presents under the tree! I don’t understand it but I’ve accepted it. I knew when I agreed to marry him that I would have to make compromises but it feels like part of the charm of Christmas is gone for me.
I’m sure I’ll get my Christmas spirit back before December , but till then my hubby holds the title of the Grinch 🙂
I’ve been too emotional to write anything thee past couple of days, so much has been going on and things came to a head this evening, hubby and I got into a huge fight and I just feel like I want to throw something and scream.
How much is too much as regards in laws cause I feel like our families are choking our marriage. We both have huge financial responsibilities towards our families and I’m beginning to feel like if we are not careful we won’t be able to save anything for ourselves of have proper plans for the future. I’ve been trying to think of a tactful way to talk about the issue but it all came out this evening. Hubby just kept saying I shouldn’t complain because God keeps blessing us as we give, I’m not complaining I just feel we should at least have savings for ourselves and once in a while be able to treat ourselves to something nice.
I’m not a selfish person neither am I unreasonable, but we can’t take care of our families and grow at the same time, we need to have money to invest and also save for the rainy days! I’ve explained to my folks that they should please give us some time to settle and I made it clear that I won’t be able to send as much money home as I used to for a while, is it too much to ask my hubby to tell his folks the same?
I’m sorry for the rant, I’m just really upset about the whole thing. Maybe I could have handled it better. What do you think? /p>